Geostorm
Rating: ⭐
Bechdal Test: Pass
Summary:
In order to combat the increasing threat of climate change scientists created 'Dutch Boy'. A system which can control the weather using an array of satellites orbiting above the earth. This works perfectly for a while but, predictably, starts malfunctioning. Isolated satellites start causing death and destruction at specific points across the globe. Jake Lawson (Gerard Butler), the man who designed the system, must journey back into space to the central hub at the International Space Station to understand why this has happened and fix it. Was it a design fault, or is this something much worse?
Review:
Without a doubt the worst film of 2017 was The Emoji Movie but this film is an excellent contender for number 2. What a pile of pointless rubbish. This film annoyed and bored me for so many reasons and it started very early on; at the beginning of the film a voice over describes why 'Dutch Boy' was created. It explains that climate change was getting worse and it went from destroying villages to cities, culminating in a tidal wave in New York and a heat wave in Madrid, resulting in the death of millions, I take issue with this. Climate change is already destroying millions of people's lives, since 1990 the amount of people with Dengue fever has doubled to 100 million because the changing climate is favourable for mosquitoes that spread the disease. For those that cannot afford treatment the mortality rate is 50%. The number of vulnerable adults in the world exposed to extreme heat has risen since 2000 by 125 million. These are people who often do not have the capacity to survive in the heat. So what is the difference between the people who are discussed at the beginning of the film and those who are suffering in real life? Madrid and New York are western, rich countries and the places which are affected in real life are poor places in the developing world. This film begins by saying that the only reason we should care about climate change is when it starts affecting the developed nations and that until then it was barely affecting anyone.
I tried to let this point go and enjoy the film but realised very soon that it simply was not going to be possible, everything about this film is awful. All of the cast members have really phoned in their performance and none of them were believable. I almost audibly gasped when I saw Ed Harris, what on earth was he doing agreeing to be in this film?! A special mention has to go to Robert Sheehan for potentially the worse performance by any actor ever. I thought he was amazing in Misfits and after he left the programme was never the same again, it almost seems like he is trying to ruin everyone's opinion of him. Throughout the film he puts on one of the worst English accents I have ever heard, I think his aim was to sound like Orlando Bloom attempting to impersonate Danny Dyer.
Another issue I had with the film was the complete lack of originality. I generally enjoy disaster movies and with this film I felt like I was watching lots of other films all rolled together. I can just imagine the team creating it all sat in a room: 'We'll combine the most ridiculous elements of The Day After Tomorrow with the bits no one liked in 2012 and then we will cast Gerard Butler because no one chooses to see a film because he is in it'. They were always going to be onto a winner with that combination. I could not believe how blatantly they were ripping off other films. In The Day after tomorrow Tokyo is hit by a huge hailstorm, in Geostorm it is also in Tokyo but it is hit by even bigger hail! In both films New York has a tidal wave and in Geostorm Dubai has one too! We have seen everything before. The things which we haven't seen before are so far outside of the realms of scientific possibility that it makes you want to punch the TV (or Gerard Butler).
The only thing about this film which isn't painfully bad is the surprisingly positive gender politics. This isn't a film that portrays women as damsels in distress at all. All of the women are intelligent, strong minded and tough. They are one dimensional, as are all the characters in the film, but nevertheless it is good to see a film in which women are respected without their professional status being a plot point.
Overall this film is pretty terrible. I didn't have high hopes going in but even those were dashed. Maybe the next film about climate change could be more like Blue Planet and less like Geostorm. Please?
Recommend to a friend? Only if you (not so) secretly hate them
In order to combat the increasing threat of climate change scientists created 'Dutch Boy'. A system which can control the weather using an array of satellites orbiting above the earth. This works perfectly for a while but, predictably, starts malfunctioning. Isolated satellites start causing death and destruction at specific points across the globe. Jake Lawson (Gerard Butler), the man who designed the system, must journey back into space to the central hub at the International Space Station to understand why this has happened and fix it. Was it a design fault, or is this something much worse?
Review:
Without a doubt the worst film of 2017 was The Emoji Movie but this film is an excellent contender for number 2. What a pile of pointless rubbish. This film annoyed and bored me for so many reasons and it started very early on; at the beginning of the film a voice over describes why 'Dutch Boy' was created. It explains that climate change was getting worse and it went from destroying villages to cities, culminating in a tidal wave in New York and a heat wave in Madrid, resulting in the death of millions, I take issue with this. Climate change is already destroying millions of people's lives, since 1990 the amount of people with Dengue fever has doubled to 100 million because the changing climate is favourable for mosquitoes that spread the disease. For those that cannot afford treatment the mortality rate is 50%. The number of vulnerable adults in the world exposed to extreme heat has risen since 2000 by 125 million. These are people who often do not have the capacity to survive in the heat. So what is the difference between the people who are discussed at the beginning of the film and those who are suffering in real life? Madrid and New York are western, rich countries and the places which are affected in real life are poor places in the developing world. This film begins by saying that the only reason we should care about climate change is when it starts affecting the developed nations and that until then it was barely affecting anyone.
I tried to let this point go and enjoy the film but realised very soon that it simply was not going to be possible, everything about this film is awful. All of the cast members have really phoned in their performance and none of them were believable. I almost audibly gasped when I saw Ed Harris, what on earth was he doing agreeing to be in this film?! A special mention has to go to Robert Sheehan for potentially the worse performance by any actor ever. I thought he was amazing in Misfits and after he left the programme was never the same again, it almost seems like he is trying to ruin everyone's opinion of him. Throughout the film he puts on one of the worst English accents I have ever heard, I think his aim was to sound like Orlando Bloom attempting to impersonate Danny Dyer.
Another issue I had with the film was the complete lack of originality. I generally enjoy disaster movies and with this film I felt like I was watching lots of other films all rolled together. I can just imagine the team creating it all sat in a room: 'We'll combine the most ridiculous elements of The Day After Tomorrow with the bits no one liked in 2012 and then we will cast Gerard Butler because no one chooses to see a film because he is in it'. They were always going to be onto a winner with that combination. I could not believe how blatantly they were ripping off other films. In The Day after tomorrow Tokyo is hit by a huge hailstorm, in Geostorm it is also in Tokyo but it is hit by even bigger hail! In both films New York has a tidal wave and in Geostorm Dubai has one too! We have seen everything before. The things which we haven't seen before are so far outside of the realms of scientific possibility that it makes you want to punch the TV (or Gerard Butler).
The only thing about this film which isn't painfully bad is the surprisingly positive gender politics. This isn't a film that portrays women as damsels in distress at all. All of the women are intelligent, strong minded and tough. They are one dimensional, as are all the characters in the film, but nevertheless it is good to see a film in which women are respected without their professional status being a plot point.
Overall this film is pretty terrible. I didn't have high hopes going in but even those were dashed. Maybe the next film about climate change could be more like Blue Planet and less like Geostorm. Please?
Recommend to a friend? Only if you (not so) secretly hate them
Yeah . I'm going through this now why? I just don't know...
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